James went first.
In retrospect, this was a bad idea for many reasons.
1) By the time he was done, I was crying and couldn't speak clearly.
2) His were sooooooo wonderful. Mine were ok, but I couldn't really "top" his. It's a good thing it's not a contest, right? But seriously everyone was laughing and crying at his, and I totally looked at our guests when it was my turn and said "I should have gone first!" Okay, so they did get a laugh out of that.
He had us laughing:
and crying:
and laughing so hard we were crying:
Here is where I waver a bit. At first I didn't plan on sharing his vows for two reasons. The first reason is that I felt like it might be nice to keep that part special and private. The second reason is that you reading them in print isn't the same as his delivery. His delivery, voice inflections, pauses, all of it, were perfect. I was talked into sharing them, though. Just so you can get an idea of just how funny he is. And how sweet he is.
~~I vow to remember the holy days in our relationship (anniversaries, birthdays, and kids’ birthdays) and keep them holy.
~~I vow to look lovingly upon you as you sleep and to protect that sleep to the best of my ability.
~~I vow to always have a hug ready should you need it after a bad day or a worse week.
~~I vow to keep a kiss ready when you feel like sharing good news.
~~I vow to keep a smile on my face when I’m with the kids, except when I have to lay down the law.
~~I vow to not complain when the kids want to watch Yo Gabba Gabba!, Dora the Explorer, Go Diego Go, ICarly, Suite Life of Zack and Cody or Lady Gaga and anything she’s in.
~~I vow to believe every Christmas in Santa Claus, every Easter in the Easter Bunny, and I’ll make sure the tooth fairy finds the childrens’ beds when the kids lose a tooth.
~~I vow to be wiser than any sitcom father (not to mention, funnier).
~~I vow never to be stingy with my hugs or my love because the greatest lesson you taught me is that love is the greatest when given freely.
~~I vow to remind you how beautiful you are inside and out, whether you need to hear it or not.
~~I vow to listen to what you are saying to me because listening is an important part of communication.
~~I vow to speak what’s on my mind, whether it’s an issue at work or the need for a good hamburger because speaking is an important part of communication.
~~I vow not to openly insult the movies you like that have Kate Hudson, Sandra Bullock, Katherine Heigl, Patrick Dempsey, Matthew Mcconaughey, Sarah Jessica Parker, any actor from Will and Grace, or any combination thereof.
~~If Spider-Man, Batman, or Superman suddenly came to me and offered me a job as a sidekick, I vow to tell them I’m already working with my hero.
~~I vow to believe you when you tell me it will get better and that I’m still the hot guy you dated.
~~I vow to always believe that you are the hot girl I started dating and that by virtue of knowing you it will get better.
~~I vow to remember the snuggle and keep that holy.
~~I vow to hold the light of your dimples right beside where I keep the love you have for me in my heart.
~~I vow to love you with all my heart, to be with you with all my body, and to fortify you with all my soul.
~~I vow that my love will last longer than all the stars, will be wider than the universe and be deeper than the deepest trench in the ocean floor, whether that’s this ocean or an ocean a thousand miles away. I will love you, Lena Brandenburg, because the love you’ve given back is the newest sun in my shinier solar system. Pardon me while I, your humble planet, circle you for all eternity.
Then it was my turn:
~~I vow to love you every day like I love you today.
~~I vow to bring you Gatorade when you're sick.
~~I vow to try to make you laugh as much as you do me.
~~I vow to not grimace when you arrive at the parent-teacher conference in your El-Santo t-shirt.
~~I vow to support you in your writing.
~~I vow to rub your neck when you're up till 2 a.m. grading essays.
~~I vow to be your muse.
~~I vow to treat you like you've always been a part of this family.
~~I vow to not go to bed angry.
~~I vow to nod and smile when you're talking about wrasslin.
~~I vow to hold your hand when you're driving.
~~And to not squeeze it when you're not braking fast enough.
~~I vow to see you with loving eyes every morning.
~~I vow to watch the occasional horror flick.
~~I vow to remind you to take your medicine at night.
~~I vow to make time for us to spend together every day, even if it's only a few minutes at the end of a crazy day.
~~I vow to be mindful of the number of little hearts I post on your Facebook page.
~~I vow to watch my verb/subject agreement and dangling modifiers.
~~I vow to love you for who you are.
After the vows, we had the kids come and join us for a sand ceremony.
When the sand ceremony was over, Naomi had another mini-meltdown about her job being over and did NOT want to continue to stand and be part of the bridal party.
Luckily, we were almost over. After we were pronounced husband and wife, we proceeded down the aisle to this song.
I don't remember what James was saying to me here :)
And there we were, Mr. & Mrs. James Gardner:
I'll share the reception during a third blog post!
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